The Perfect Man Featured

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I’ve been on my own for 5+ years now. I didn’t start thinking about the perfect man right away when I divorced my husband of 19 years. In fact, it took me a few years to even dare to dream about it. I’ll be brutally honest; I didn’t marry for the right reasons. I wasn’t a strong person. I was a single mom. I had a past. I had a lot of things to figure out... and I should have done it on my own; but I didn’t. This guy came along and said all the right things, pretended to love my daughter (who was 5 years old), and told me he could live with my “demons”. I married him – after only knowing him for two months.

Nineteen years later, I had changed most of my bad habits, and given birth to four more children. All my life, I can only remember ALWAYS wanting to be a mom. I got my wish; and I wouldn’t trade even one moment of being a mom for anything in the world! My dreams came true! But, I am ashamed to admit, the marriage part suffered irreparable damage. Stuff happens... and boy, did it happen! The gory details are no one’s business. Let’s suffice it to say, divorce was the ONLY answer.

When my marriage finally came to an inevitable end, it felt like I had to leave the planet for a little while. It was like the time when I was in second grade - my cousin Holly rode her bicycle out into the road from her circle driveway, and got hit by a car, and died. She was only a year or so older than me. I remember my stepdad, her uncle, sitting on our kitchen floor, crying. That night, when the evening news came on, I was just incredulous! ‘How could the news still be on? Don’t they know what happened to Holly? Don’t they care?’ It was like that. My world had fallen apart, and nobody cared. Everybody just went on with his or her own life.

I’ve thought about writing this article for a long time. My decision to actually publish it comes with much trepidation! You don’t ever really know a person, right? I sometimes wonder if I even know myself. Over the past few years, I’ve pondered this exact thought, and wondered how I will EVER meet my perfect man. I’ve joked with friends and coworkers that he’ll have to be perfect, because now I know everything I don’t want in a man. I have so many experiences to draw from.

But, it’s time. Time to shake things up; maybe MAKE something happen. I will be fifty this year. I just can’t see living out the rest of my life alone. I have a lot to offer, and I’m really a pretty simple gal. I know there has to be ONE guy out there that’s perfect... for me. So... here are the private thoughts that happen in my head... constantly.

The perfect guy will love the outdoors, and want to go camping... a lot! “Please come with me,” he’ll say. “It won’t be any fun without you.” He’ll be handy, and make fixing things around the house a priority. Since the kids are grown up, and almost all ‘up and out,’ he’ll ask if they’re coming over this weekend, and he’ll hope the answer is yes. He’ll be genuinely excited about grandchildren and family gatherings. He’ll always include family, always.

Sometimes, he’ll want to hang out in the back yard; build a fire, drink a beer... with me... just me. He won’t mind just sitting and talking the night away. He’ll have to like talking... at least with me. One of the things I miss the most about being married – is having someone to talk to. I have my kids, but... there are certain things you just can’t talk about with your kids.

He’ll have friends. They will become “our friends” because they love spending time with him... and me. He’ll want to spend time with my friends too. He’ll want to be alone sometimes, or just hang with his friends... without me. That will be ok, because he’ll respect the fact that I’ve been on my own for quite awhile, and sometimes, alone time will be good for both of us.

He’ll have a good job, and be proud of the fact that he is able to provide for himself, and those that he loves. He’ll like going to work. He’ll be respected – among his coworkers, bosses, and peers. He’ll encourage me to excel at my job also.

I’ve learned what my values are over the past five years. (No, I didn’t know before.) I’ve also thought a lot about what’s important to me. I care a lot about certain things. Other things, I’ve decided, don’t matter to me. The perfect guy will respect that I have reasons for feeling the way I do. He won’t dismiss something as trivial, because he knows that I have a past – and I take very seriously the lessons I’ve learned from it.

I won’t expect him to enjoy everything that I enjoy, or even understand it. But, he’ll encourage me to keep tending my garden, renovating the house, and writing; because he will understand that those are the things that give me joy. They’re the things that make me tick. This is how I know he needs to have his own interests too. I will always be totally on board!

I will expect him to take some time to get to know me, more than two months. Not forever... I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I have grown to understand that people are SO different. It shouldn’t take long to realize, ‘you are not for me’. But, I think there is someone out there for everyone. I think there must be someone out there for me. Maybe I am the one person someone else has been looking for too.J

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4 comments

  • Comment Link Claudene Monday, 23 May 2016 12:08 posted by Claudene

    This is great, Tammy, and I truly believe someone is waiting and wanting to meet you. You are a wonderful person with a beautiful future ahead of you. )))HUGS(((

  • Comment Link Nancy Beyer Monday, 23 May 2016 06:38 posted by Nancy Beyer

    Tam, very well said and it is all true what you have said. You deserve happiness in the rest of your life no matter how long or how short it may be. God will surely see that you get what you long for. Life will be good to you. Love you Nancy

  • Comment Link Mic Kozma Monday, 23 May 2016 05:40 posted by Mic Kozma

    Love it and good luck!

  • Comment Link Kathryn Sunday, 22 May 2016 21:49 posted by Kathryn

    Tammy, the fact that you can bare your soul in such a vulnerable way and put your hopes out there gives me hope for you. You are correct. He is out there
    He will find you. God Bless your quest.. Kathryn Woodward Harter

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